A Mom’s Perspective on Dating

 In Blog, Pam Cavanaugh

When our children were young it was my goal to train them in the ways of The Lord. My desire was for them to become men of God and men of integrity and vision. My views on dating for them were, I believe, skewed by my own dating experiences. I wanted something better for them. In our circles, I saw a reaction to dating. Thus, the idea of “courtship” became a new paradigm.

My children were young, and I did not need to bother too much with the idea. Then my children became adults, and life in this area became real to me. What I observed in my circles was that an idea of courtship did not grow out of sound Biblical direction but from personal ideas of fear and control.

My Pastor preached this past Sunday and said; “We must not pamper and pander to man-made ideas of the Christian life, not our own ideas or perceptions. We must look to Christ.”

I found myself in my prayer time making this long list of what I wanted for my children to find in a wife: what she should be, how she should act, etc. I realized that I was trying to become my sons’ Holy Spirit. This is a very serious exercise that I have observed in parents of adult children. We parents are to train up our children and guide them in the path. We are to instill godly values with the clarity of God’s Word.

But we cannot make our convictions their convictions apart from the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. Changes came to my prayer time; not a list but the realization that the power is not of me nor is the wisdom my wisdom in these matters. My calling and responsibility is to be there to support my adult children in prayer, and to cling to Christ in matters of their heart.

And what about dating? It is a time of getting to know someone with God’s guidance; a method of a newer culture and different times. And those arranged marriages of the past? Sometimes they worked, but none of us knows the troubles they produced. The truth is that whoever arranges a marriage is influenced by his or her own remaining sin; sin that affects our thinking and motives. No system can save us from the troubles of our own sin and the failures of our own weaknesses and inadequacies. Look to the Word. Lean upon Jesus. He cannot fail.

Pam Cavanaugh

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Showing 3 comments
  • Amy

    Amen! Well said Pam:)

  • Pam

    I agree Pam. I feel the Holy Spirit often asks me to “be still” because God is at work in my children’s’ lives and He knows so much better than I when and what they each need in a spouse.

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  • […] collaborative series posted during the spring on Dating.  Be sure to check out Pam’s perspective, Charles’ perspective,  Charles’ letter to Daniel and Micah, and lots of good stuff […]

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